blade_waltz | 002.nd Step [audio]

002.nd Step [audio]

It's been... two months, hasn't it.

[ Two months. Back home, that kind of time passed by quickly. Things seemed to change so fast that sometimes she wanted to pray for the world to slow down for a bit, except she knew that nobody ever answered her prayers.

But here, two months are more like counting seconds. Things are happening, but they are not her things that she is supposed to be doing. It's all mostly a pile of distractions.

Ones she doesn't really want anymore. ]

How does everyone here do this? I know time back home has supposedly stopped, but that means my life stopped as well. All the people I care about are on pause because of this place.

It makes no sense. I can't be needed here more than I'm needed back home, can I?

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"May I ask what it is you are trying to do? Time can be a very mysterious thing and many have gone mad trying to figure it out, so perhaps finding a new question is the best answer?"

I've been trying to live my life, mostly...

But it feels like this place disagrees with me on what my life is supposed to be.

"This place seems to disagree with most stable things. It more seems to be a place to experience things that one never would conceive, for good or bad. Perhaps the insight is what is most important, I have yet to figure it out myself."

I wouldn't have called my life back home stable...

[ Quite on the opposite. Lenalee was pretty sure fighting in a war, watching friends die and constantly having to look out for Vatican's conspiracies was not how any teenage girl expected to live her life. ]

But it was my life. I think that's the important part.

"Yes, many seem to share that sentiment. I was still trying to find my life, so I am somewhat naive in that sense."

Hm...?

I'm sorry. I'm not sure I understand.

"It is not something easily explained. One is only oneself as long as they are living for them self."

I... I suppose..?

[ The statement actually swings over Lenalee's head. The idea of one's personal identity and living for other people's sake are too tightly entwined together in her head to disconnect, even in the face of such a statement.

But she does voice the one thought that comes to mind. ]

Were you a nun or something like that?

"In that I was a servant to a higher power? Perhaps that is a simple way of looking at it."

She pondered a bit. This was obviously not a guest, but Elizabeth liked helping people see truths they may not normally see, it was a good way to help her understand truths that were simply lost on her.

"I was created for a purpose that was not my own, but I left it to find my own purpose."

[The question seemed rather familiar to Eleytheria. In a way it was almost comforting to know that he wasn't the only one who had had these thoughts... but it also only reinforced them. How were you supposed to deal with this?]

I know full well how it feels to know that you have left everything that is important to you in a state limbo. I wish I could offer an answer... but it is something I am still trying to come to terms with myself.

I have found that all I can do is try to meet new people and try new things. And to have patience. Yet I know that there is a limit to the power of distraction.

Yes, I've been... trying to keep myself busy. The first two weeks here were weird, but then everything started coming together...

It's still not the same, is it?

No... No matter how normal a life people try to make here, it is never the same as being home in familiar surroundings. Then again, my life is perhaps not as 'normal' as others would suggest theirs to be.

[He pauses, thoughtful a moment, before asking.]

May I ask about your home? What do you miss the most?

Mmm. I wouldn't say my life was all that normal, either...

[ A pause. ]

Actually, I don't have much good to say about my home. It's the people that I miss.

[For someone supposedly human to say something like that, Eley naturally began to wonder what she meant by that statement. His curiosity always seemed to win out in the end...]

I see. Then I am led to wonder what it is about your home that you find so distasteful. In my own case, I find that it is the people I have trouble with.

[ Not all people are good, of course. Much as Lenalee would have loved to admit that, however, that thought brings to her mind a certain face that makes bile rise in the pit of her stomach. She shudders, then defensively wanders off to the other thought.

Explaining why her home is in a terrible state without giving away any secrets is difficult. But she tries. ]

Well, my home is at war. And our... superiors don't really care what they do or how so long as they win that war.

[ They are somewhat too heavy words to come from a girl who sounds around sixteen, aren't they. ]

[War. That word came up far too often for Eley's liking lately. His expression seems to sour a little at her words as he realises just how widespread something like war seemed to be across worlds. Why? Why did everyone have to fight?]

I am sorry to hear that. I understand how difficult war can be to cope with and how terrible it can make a world to live in.

Yet... you have people that you relied on, yes? At least you have something to hold onto in that case.

Then again, it does not help if you are here and they are in another world. Do you fear for them?

Huh? Time's stopped back home?

[have a newly arrived Saiyan derpface]

That's what I keep hearing.

That if there's anything important you have to do back home, don't worry about it. Time is standing still there, so you won't miss anything.

I see.

[this girl sounds troubled by such an idea. comforting as it is that he's not missing anything back home and evidently not leaving the Earth unprotected...]

Hey, I may have only just gotten here, but...I kind of understand how you're feeling about this.

We don't know if it's true that time stops or not, or if it's only for certain people, do we? I know if I had a choice, I would rather be home than stuck here.

It must be hard for the ones that have been here for a long time, but if you never give up until you find a way, living day by day until than can't be that hard.

You just gotta have something to work towards and don't stop!

Mmph...

[ That... sounds suspiciously like something Allen would say. He's always been the one to know how to handle weird situations like these. It's frustrating. It feels like from the small group she has spent so many wonderful days with, Lenalee is the only one who never figured out a path of her own to walk.

But then, this place cannot be that path. Because it doesn't have her brother and all the people who came to make up her world. ]

I suppose it's true. The only ways to go home are finding a way back or hoping this place decides to send you there...

I'm just not sure I can find a way better than the people who were already here for a while.

[~~think that's called 'shonen main character syndrome'~~. if Lenalee had already decided this path wasn't hers, it only meant that there was one waiting for her someday elsewhere. there was one in sight... Goku was still travelling down his. Luceti just happened to be another turn in the road]

If you can't think of a way home, you can still help yourself and your friends here. So long as you don't forget who you are and don't forget about your home, this place can't break you.

[even if she can't see him, Goku's gonna sheepishly laugh at that as he scratches the back of his head]

I know I make it sound easy, and I probably shouldn't have much say since I just got here, but that's what I believe.

[ ... ]

I did make some friends on my first week here.

[ But it feels different from the way it was back home. Back there, everyone needed to rely on each other no matter what happened; the world was too cold and cruel for them not to. But there isn't a single mission to chase in Luceti and everyone here seems to be strong on their own accord.

Having spent most of her life in Vatican's custody, Lenalee still doesn't quite grasp how to make friendships in a place like this one. She makes another "mmph" sound, now a staple of his in this conversation, and concludes. ]

Maybe that's true. Maybe the first step to returning home is to change this place from inside.

That's one way of looking at it! If we could do that, the people running this place could have a change of heart too. Even if it's kind of hard to forgive the things they've done.

Until then, just stick with your friends and try to keep your chin up.

Time back home is stopped?

[Not that it does much for Duck...]

You could do some stuff here, you know.

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002.nd Step [audio]

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